So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
be right there i have to get my cape
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
