I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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