You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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