Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
