i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
