Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
