If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Every concussion has its silver lining
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
