Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
