no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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