my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
