He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
