i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
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