Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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