Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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