i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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