Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
