Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My cat gives me a boner
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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