College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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