oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
