my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
