I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
