Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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