I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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