I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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