I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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