So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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