Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
