accomplished twins. life is a go
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
