In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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