I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize