So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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