I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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