I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
