I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Buhtt sex?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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