chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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