my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
