Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
