omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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