If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
