But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
