I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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