you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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