I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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