I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
