hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
