i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
