do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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