i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The beer is more important than you right now.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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