Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
PANTIES FOUND
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