I hate your face
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
