how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
