One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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