I'm going to jail i love you
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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