Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
