I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
