the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
