Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My bed smells like the plague
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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