i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
