You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
