Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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