These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
