worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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