I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Drake has all the answers
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
