I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
