I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
