I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
