As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
