Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
there is glitter all over my balls
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
