What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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