end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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