Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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