I murdered the dance floor call the cops
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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