the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
