I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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