but the lizard people decide everything anyway
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize