Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She said her name was "party"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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