my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I didn't notice because vodka
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
