Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I think people are normalizing furries
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
