Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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