You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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